For Twinkie lovers, it’s not the end of the world.
Good news! We survived two potential apocalypses in 2012- The predicted rapture of May 21st (or 22nd?) and the Mayan Calendar Ending Event of December 21st. Unfortunately, one catastrophe we could not avoid was the demise of one beloved iconic American classic, the Hostess snack cake. This calamity will forever be known as The Twinkie Apocalypse.
With all the apocalypse craziness erupting all over the year 2012, one scary baker cannot help but be reminded of the zombie apocalypse that strikes the world in the horror comedy, Zombieland. And with the downfall of our dearly coveted snack cakes, who could not seriously think of the surly zombie stomper, Tallahassee, as he rumbles across America not only beating zombie arse, but looking for a gosh darn Twinkie to munch.
Perhaps this movie is some sort of prophetic vision brought to us by the luminous minds of Zombieland writers, Reese and Wernick? With Twinkies and Ding Dongs and HoHos now extinct, will 2013 be the year of infection?? If so, I urge you to polish off your dust-collecting copy of Zombieland and view it not only for its dashing entertainment, but also as a preparation guide for bad days to come.
Here are a few of my favorite “rules” outlined by Columbus and how I’m applying them to MY life as the possible Year of Infection looms ahead…
#2 Cardio and #18 Limber Up: I’ve made a commitment to get healthy this year and it can’t happen without a few rounds of good ole exercise. I want to be able to outrun whatever wants to eat me.
#3 Beware of Bathrooms: I’ve seen what can be lurking behind the bathroom door, and it’s not pretty. I’m committed to passing on the dirty job of keeping a clean bathroom to the hubby.
#8 Get a Kick Ass Partner: I found mine 16 years ago.
The Recipe: You don’t have to pay a gazillion dollars on EBay or travel half the country to recover the last Twinkie when you can bake your own! Undoubtedly, the homemade version tastes a bit cleaner, a bit lighter, and so much more delectable than the stale ones you are likely to find in some snack cake hoarder’s cabinet. In the case of a true zombie apocalypse occurring, I recommend you bake some every couple of months and freeze em. Just remember, defrost before filling them with the also hand-forged creamy marshmallow fluff.
Oh yeah, and you will need a Twinkie-shaped cavity pan to make these. They are popping up all over kitchen stores everywhere and can be found online. Give it a Google and see what you can find…
(Fills 8 cavity pan )
1cup + 2 Tbsp flour, 1 1/8 tsp baking powder (aluminum free, if you please), 1/4 tsp salt, 3/4 cup + 2 Tbsp sugar, ½ cup milk, 1 ½ tsp vanilla, 1 egg + 1 egg white, 1 stick butter (softened to room temp), 1 recipe Deadgirl Marshmallow Fluff, Twinkie-shaped cavity pan
How to Make em:
Note: If you don’t want a super snack cake snarly mess when you try to get them out of the pan, I highly recommend spraying the cavities thoroughly with baking spray and adding a touch of flour to each cavity. Also, do NOT overfill. This just causes major headaches. I speak from experience…
In a mixing bowl or bowl of standing mixer, beat together the butter and sugar with your hand mixer or stand mixer into a creamy submission. Add the egg and egg white and beat well. In another small bowl, pour together the milk and vanilla. In another medium bowl, sift together the dry boring stuff-flour, baking powder, and salt. Add the dry boring stuff alternately with the milk mix to the submissive creamed mix and continue mixing on low speed.
Fill the pan cavities barely ½ full and bake for about 12-15 minutes on 350 degrees. Cool for about 10 minutes in the pan and then remove to a wire rack to cool completely and fill with the fluff.
(Fills 8 Snack Cakes )
1 ½ cup marshmallow fluff, 1 ¼ cup all-veggie shortening, 1 Tbsp vanilla, 1 cup powdered sugar, pastry bag and pastry filling tip
How to Make It:
In a mixing bowl or bowl of standing mixer, beat together the fluff and shortening with your hand mixer or stand mixer into a creamy submission. Switch to low speed and add the vanilla. Add the powdered sugar slowly and continuing beating into fluffy submission.
Fit your pastry a pastry filling tube. Once the snack cakes are completely cooled, fill each snack cake until you feel just a bit of resistance. You don’t want fluff bursting out the sides and top of your cake so experiment with the right amount of pressure with the greatest of care.