The Ultimate Experience in Grueling Terror (and Truly Horror-ific Goodies)
Can they be stopped? Candarian demons. Hmm….maybe.
No. But Bruce Campbell is assuring remake skeptics like me that the latest revisioning of The Evil Dead is not one to miss or to reckon with.
I’m taking his word for it. After all, he is THE original Ash. Although, did you know Ash isn’t even a character in the newest version? Nope; and I’m glad for it. Seriously, who could “they” possibly put in Campbell’s shoes? I’m certain “they” didn’t want that angry mob surging up against them in the sticky theater aisles. I guess that’s the first reason I’m putting aside my snide remake remarks and focusing on the positives.
My second reason is again thanks to Bruce. In his not-gonna-bullcrap-ya style, Mr. Campbell promises a stylishly scary take on the cult classic that is reminiscent of old school horror. He guarantees there will be no trash-talking, no jokes, and no silly jump gimmicks. Just pure unadulterated grueling terror. Like in the old days.
I will unsurprisingly take his word on it. Mr. Campbell and Mr. Raimi have never done me wrong.
But does fresh-faced director, Fede Alvarez, have that in him? A newbie to the genre, can he take a handful of Sam Raimi and mold it into a worthy competitor, dueling for a seat next to the original?? Without resorting to the cheap scare tactics of today’s horror movie makers.
I’m pulling the paper from my countdown chain to find out. Only three days left!! Hopefully, I’ll see you there this Friday, April 5th, for the most important movie of 2013 (in my world), The Evil Dead.
In the meantime, let’s gather ‘round the flat screen for a titillating re-showing of the 1981 original; made utterly perfect by its wobbly plot, questionable actors, and enough spasmodic 80’s gore to gag ya!…Oh, and don’t forget the goodies!
The Recipes: What’s a movie night without pizza? Laammme. Sick of plain ole sausage and pepperoni? Boorriing. I got just what you need to get in the Deadite mood.
Necronomicon Pizza, anyone? I promise it’s not made of human flesh, but it does have a rather spooktacular dough and toppings face! I’ve seen this crazy pizza picture floating around the internet amongst the Horror Crowd, and I decided to try my hand at it just for the Horror Congress fans. Follow it up with a serving of rich, decadent Candarian Blackberry Trifle for dessert. But I warn you, beware the size and quantities of your spoonful. This dark delight sits heavy in the belly. Eat too much, and it may just swallow your soul… (Sorry. It had to be said.)
(Serves at least 8 friends…stranded in a cabin…with an oven)
2 tubes of refrigerated pizza dough OR 2 quantities of your fave homemade dough recipe
1 jar marinara sauce (big or small jar depending on how much sauce you prefer)
1 small jar chopped black olives
3 cloves garlic
1 package pepperoni
2-3 jalapenos (sliced) don’t forget your gloves!!
1 (2cup) bag of mozzarella cheese (or shred your own)
Equipment: Nonstick baking spray, cookie sheet, pizza cutter, my photo as a necessary guide
How to Make It:
Lightly prep the pan with nonstick spray. Untube or prepare the dough. Press one tube/quantity of dough into the pan, stretching it lightly as to not tear holes. Now, for the fun! Tear pieces of dough from the other tube/quantity, and like playdoh, begin to mold the pieces of your pizza face, using my photo as a guide. (I can’t really “tell” you how to do it, you just have to dig in!) I recommend pre-baking the pizza at 425 degrees for about 6-7 minutes.
Remove from the oven and start the topping process. Spoon the sauce over your face, careful to cover the elevated facial features sparsely. Add your pepperoni and jalapeno slices, again, leaving the facial features topping-less. Next, fill in the mouth with the olives. Carefully sliver 1 garlic clove to resemble tiny, sharp teeth. Add them to the mouth, creating a jagged effect. Use the remaining garlic to fill in the eye holes. Smother the face with cheese, again being cautious not to cover the elevated pieces. Bake again on 425 degrees until the cheese is nice and melty (I check it every 3-5 mins; usually takes about 12-15 minutes.)
Note: Remember, take a picture before cutting into it!!
1 quantity of your favorite brownie recipe (box mix NOT recommended. I’m a dessert snob like that).
1 8oz container mascarpone cheese
½ c Dutch-processed cocoa powder
¼ c cornstarch
1 ¼ c sugar
¼ tsp salt
1/3 c unsalted butter (chopped into pieces)
2 tsp vanilla
2 ½ c milk
1 pint container fresh blackberries
Equipment: Trifle dessert bowl or fairly wide glass serving bowl, plastic wrap
How to Make It:
Bake the brownies according to your recipe.
In the meantime, make the chocolate pudding: Start by whisking together the sugar, cocoa, cornstarch, and salt in a medium saucepan. Slowly add in the milk and cook, stirring all the time over a medium heat. After the pudding starts to boil and begins to thicken in about 10 minutes, reduce the heat, but cook another 2 mins. Remove from heat and carefully stir in the butter pieces and vanilla until the butter melts. Place a piece of plastic wrap directly on to the top of the warm pudding and allow it to cool for about 10 minutes. The plastic wrap will prevent a nasty skin from forming over the top. When the pudding is cool, gently fold in the entire container of mascarpone cheese until well blended.
Assemble the trifle: Crumble the cooled brownies. Add half of the brownie crumbles to cover the bottom of your trifle dish. Top the brownie layer with half of the pudding-mascarpone mix. Add half the pint of blackberries. Gently add the remaining brownie crumbles atop the blackberries. Smooth the remaining pudding mix atop the crumbles. Finally, add the remaining blackberries, piled nicely in the center of the pudding.
Hint: You can always make instant box pudding for the recipe. You would need 2 small boxes or 1 large box. I don’t remember the instant pudding method as the cooked homemade version is so much darker and svelte.
Horror Congress Friends, feel free to cut loose with your thoughts and opinions about the new Evil Dead remake, these recipes, or just anything horror-ific that’s lurking around your mind….
Until next time, stay spooky, my fiends!